The Spiral of Isolation and 3 steps to Combating it
Humans are social animals. We need other human interaction to survive. Without others in our lives we feel sad, hopeless and as though we are somehow different from others- like the odd man out. We usually want to form these relationships and feel important to others, but that is harder said than done. Let’s take a look at what can happen to your mental health when you feel isolated.
What am I talking about when I say isolated?
I’m speaking about the way a person feels. Isolation can be felt when a person has people around them or when they are not around others. Feelings of isolation can occur when a person feels left out or suffers from low self esteem and does not feel like the people in their social group accept them for who they are. Isolation can also be felt when a person is separated from others. This might happen when someone is recovering from an illness or injury and has to stay at home for an extended period of time.
How does anxiety feed isolation?
Anxiety can feed the feelings of isolation because it is so good at fueling our fears, and a basic fear for humans is to be alone. Human beings need other human beings in their life. This is a reason why we think our own children are cute as newborns and as they grow up. They need us to survive so thinking that they are cute makes it really hard for us to leave them to fend for themselves.
If a person is feeling isolated and has anxiety about being in social situations this can make it more complicated for them to reach out or start to put themselves out there in order to get the social connection they crave.
The anxiety might tell them things like:
-No one is going to like them, so why should they try meeting new people or going new places?
-It is safer to be at home (even if it’s not what they want) because people can’t make fun of them in the safety of their own household
-There are an inordinate number of things that could go wrong if they leave the house to find connection, all of which they cannot handle.
How can feeling isolated spiral into impacting mental health?
Anyone who has ever felt isolated from others will tell you that it impacts mental health in a big way. Feelings of isolation lead to people experiencing higher levels of depression, anxiety, having more suicidal thoughts, and substance use. Each of these mental health issues can be worsened by feeling lonely and socially isolated, however, the feeling of being socially isolated can also make the symptoms of depression, anxiety, etc. worse. Let’s look at an example.
Katrina is a wife and mom of two children. She often feels anxious and depressed. When she tries to talk to her husband it feels like they are on different wavelengths and though he tries to understand, he just doesn’t get it fully. Eventually she decides that even though she would like to tell him about how isolated she feels, it doesn’t get her anywhere, and she stops expressing her feelings. This leads her to feeling even more isolated and alone. She worries about what her friends would think of her if she told them how she was really feeling about her life. Since these are not socially acceptable feelings she keeps more inside. This leads her to feeling more depressed, and less like going out to socialize with others. The shame from these feelings only adds to her loneliness. Katrina decides that if she has a bottle of wine at night the feelings don’t feel as strong, and it’s easier for her to get some rest. After a few months of this she realizes that she needs two bottles to have the same effect. However, this is not something that she could admit to her friends and definitely doesn’t want them to see her drinking, and she pulls away from them further- deepening her true feelings of loneliness.
It is in this way that feeling isolated feeds and feeds off of mental health issues.
3 things that can help if you are feeling lonely and isolated
1.Challenge yourself to go out into public- Remind yourself that there are people that are living their lives, and some that would be happy to engage with you. This could be as simple as sharing a smile with someone at the other end of an isle in the grocery store, or asking a store clerk how their day is going. Try holding the door for someone and sharing a quick hello. Find a spot with other people and just exist together, this might look like going to a library and picking up a book to read or going to a coffee shop for your favorite drink. Take in what is happening in the space and know that there are other people who are going through things just as you are.
2. Raise your self esteem- Work on acknowledging the accomplishments that you are proud of yourself for. Take pride in yourself and make sure that you are taking care of your basic needs. Allowing your body to have what it needs can do immense good for our self esteem- take a shower, brush your teeth, and make sure you are eating regularly.
3. Seek Counseling-
Counseling can help on so many different levels. A counselor can help you cope with anxiety and depression, substance use, or suicidal thoughts. Counseling is also helpful because of the inherent connection that comes through a counseling relationship. Feeling understood and validated makes it easier to challenge the feelings of disconnection and isolation. Creating boundaries in counseling also helps so that you get your needs met more frequently.
If you are feeling isolated or alone, please reach out. I help people gain connection and insight so that they can live more full, happy lives. Let’s talk about what is causing you to feel isolated and what could change so that you don’t have to feel that way anymore. Don’t let the feeling of isolation deprive you of potential connection. Reach out today by clicking the button below.
